Growing Up

At some point in life we all grow up, whether we intend to or not at the time. Some of us try to act grown up so people will treat us like we're grown up. It's these people who realize later they lost their childhood. Some of us are forced to grow up early due to circumstances which are uncontrolled by us. And these people grasp onto the last straws of their childish days. Then there are others who spend into their adult years being a child. These are the ones brutally awakened by the world into the fact that they are not in fact a child anymore. But then there are other still who are given their full childhood and adolescent experiences, and yet mature early in their mind, behavior, and personality. Although there are also a few lucky people out there who gracefully glide from child to teen to adult.

I fall into the second and second to last category.

Growing up has been an adventure, and one I am still chasing after, but just not in a hurry. I've been given my childhood, and I'm pioneering through  my teenage years, but I think I'm just beginning to realize that I never had a "true" childhood and all that jazz.

People to thank for this realization:

My dear little sister
My closest friends
And of course, my parents

Not that I am blaming any of them, simply setting up for the next few paragraphs of this monologue.

Some context facts about my little sister. Firstly, we are 8 years apart with no siblings in the gap of time between us. With that out of the way, we are complete opposites (physically, mentally, behavior-wise, and interest-wise), but we are just like any other pair of sisters. We love each other, we fight, we do whatever it is we can do, we watch movies (her movies that is as anything over PG wouldn't go over well with my parents for her), we go out shopping (well for her toys), we go out to eat (at the expense of our parents), etc etc etc. Lately though I've been watching her at home, with friends, out in public, talking, with family, playing and I find myself thinking "I was never like this!". For the longest time I believed it to be she wasn't mature enough, or she was being "childish" and a long list of other things. Then a few weeks ago I found myself saying to her after a melt down about a play date "Stop being such a child and behave!". I was hit with a mental brick wall. She was being a child because that's exactly what she is, and that's what the world expects her to be. Here I was trying to mold her into what I was when I was her age. Now I see that she is acting exactly her age, but I just never was that way.

My friends are a whole different example about my current life. Of my friends, I am the "mother hen", the maturest one, and the one who referees our lives. Even if I am the second youngest. I have five other friends, 2 girls, 3 boys, and for sake story we'll call them Sophie, Allie, Chris, Jem, and Nate. I'm the shoulder everyone cries on. I'm the one who gets the texts and emails in the middle of the night when the world is falling apart. I'm Switzerland in every debate and argument, hearing every side and settling arguments with subtle comments. At the end of lunch, I'm the last one to leave, cleaning up the remains of trash forgotten. If something spills, I naturally wipe it up because I know no one else will. 'Chris' has taken it to the point where one day in class he accidentally called me "mom", and from that day on it stuck, altering to all forms of mom, mommy, mother, etc throughout the group. Sophie and Allie always come rushing with the latest news of their lives, good or bad, and await my response, my approval, my whatever it is they're waiting for. Nate (new to the group) has even fallen into this pattern of me being the steady one with all the answers. Only Jem knows that in all truth, I'd enjoy being to go to one of them once in a while. My life with them is stashed away in a drawer of my thoughts until their lives hit a smooth surface for them to run on. I've been put into the place of maturity in our little group, and I've refused to believe it for two years until the other day when Allie gratefully said "What would we do if you weren't here to be the 'mother'?". Well thats a brick wall if I've ever seen one.

And then there is my parents who when life is getting hard, turn to me and expect me to be the calm collected older sister and support system, plain and simple. Even when I was younger, I wasn't the child they had to worry about for an emotional breakdown when something was going wrong.

I haven't been forced to grow up, I've just grown up to be more mature because of the situations around me. I always have the choice to act like everyone else my age... but I don't think I want to watch the system that works so perfectly around my life fall apart cause that.

I slid into the role long ago, and it's become a comfort. Life is a funny thing like that.